


Dreams of a Sunny Place

by thebloodycountess



Category: Hidamari No Kanojo
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 13:11:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10308722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebloodycountess/pseuds/thebloodycountess
Summary: They tiptoe around each other, but neither one of them wants to be the first to let go because maybe this is all they have now. Maybe with her, Kosuke won't feel like he's on the outside looking in. Maybe with him, Mao will come to terms with the fact that some searches are futile.





	

_1\. dreams_  
  
Kosuke's dreams have been strange as of late.   
  
He's in a park that seems perpetually filled with sunlight — the kind of sunlight that doesn't prick one's skin. Rather, it's a beautiful glow like the warm embrace of morning.  
  
There is a soft voice that calls his name but he can never seem to find where it's coming from. Somewhere in the distance, he hears a familiar song playing and—  
  
—he wakes up to the alarm clock, feeling a deep longing for that voice.  
  
  
 _2\. distance_  
  
"Okuda, there's a mixer tonight! Come with us!"  
  
Tanaka has taken to bullying him instead of just begging. He reasons with Kosuke that if he's there as his wingman, there's a better chance for the two of them to find girlfriends.  
  
Kosuke doesn't really have the heart to say yes, but he doesn't refuse either.   
  
He's lost count of the mixers he's been dragged into, of all the cabs he's hailed for Tanaka, and of all the times he's gone back to his apartment in a drunken haze.  
  
Tonight, he braces himself for that moment when he realizes he's had too much to drink, or his co-worker will have imbibed too much. He will use either of those as a reason to leave, because he doesn't have it in him to politely refuse any of the girls who are giving him expectant looks.  
  
He doesn't know how to explain the emptiness he feels, or why he's so eager to fall asleep and dream of that sunny place again—  
  
  
 _— interlude: the girl_  
  
The girl he's introduced to is named Mao. Her hair falls past her shoulders in gentle waves, and she has a smile that can brighten an entire room.  
  
Kosuke wonders why that name rings a bell, and why his heart aches when she shakes his hand and the touch of her skin leaves him cold.  
  
She surprises him when she excuses herself from the mixer, citing an emergency. But he knows that look in her eyes — the one that says "I really don't want to be here. I don't even know why I'm here."  
  
Their gazes meet from across the table and he rises to his feet, a wealth of excuses falling from his lips before he stumbles out of the bar.  
  
"I guess mixers aren't really your thing either, Okuda-san." Mao is standing by the curb with her coat wrapped tightly around her. She gives him a knowing, albeit sad smile. "But you can never say no to your friend, can you?"  
  
Kosuke nods. "You too, right?"  
  
"Right."  
  
They both lapse into silence, standing side by side as cars drive past them. There could have been a hundred cabs passing by, but neither of them hail one for the other. Mao's gaze is downcast, the curtain of her hair concealing her profile as she stares at her shoes. For his part, Kosuke doesn't know what else to tell her and the night air feels heavier.  
  
  
 _3\. truths_  
  
"I feel like there's a hole in my life that nothing can fill. And I don't know why that is..."  
  
Kosuke finds Mao looking at him after he blurts that out, equal parts surprised and pitying. The mega-watt smile is her mask, he realizes, because it fell away the moment she left the bar. Her pale face seems much smaller and it's as if she's trying to bury herself under the layers of her scarf.  
  
"It's like you know someone was meant to fill that hole in your life. But because you don't know where they are, you wouldn't know how they would fit."  
  
He doesn't understand why her words are so painful that he's on the verge of tears. It's a frustration for him that he doesn't have the answers, and night after night, he always dreams that same dream.  
  
Her hand is cold when it touches his cheek. He doesn't pull away.  
  
The cab ride back to her apartment takes too long.  
  
  
 _4\. masks_  
  
They're still wearing masks for each other, Kosuke realizes. He sees hers when Mao smiles at the compliments he gives about her cooking.  
  
He knows that she watches him put his in place before he leaves the house and when he comes home.  
  
They tiptoe around each other, but neither one of them wants to be the first to let go, because maybe this is all they have now. Maybe with her, Kosuke won't feel like he's on the outside looking in. Maybe with him, Mao will come to terms with the fact that some searches are futile.  
  
One day, she buys a goldfish bowl.  
  
"Why did you get that?" Kosuke asks her as they sit on the couch to watch a movie together.  
  
Mao shrugs and lays her head on his shoulder. "I don't know. I guess I just like it. It looks cute."  
  
The next day, Kosuke buys goldfish. Mao immediately names them Brian, Dennis, Carl, Mike, and Al.  
  
"Five goldfish seems like a good number," she says.  
  
He can't explain to Mao why he cries over their names.  
  
  
 _5\. and a goodbye_  
  
Mao is the first to declare that it's over, and Kosuke doesn't even understand why he isn't sadder, why he isn't begging her to stay.  
  
He just looks at her from across the table as they eat their breakfast. She isn't smiling in the usual cheery way. It's a smile of resignation and acceptance that this is really all they could do together, and that the story must come to an end.  
  
"It's been three years, but...nothing has changed for us, Kosuke."  
  
He watches her pick at her breakfast absently and he nods. Seeing Mao like this, looking so small and sad in her favorite oversize sweater, he knows...  
  
...he knows that this is the one time they both aren't wearing their masks.  
  
"It's sad, isn't it? I tried to be with someone who has the same name as the person I once loved." She brings her mug to her lips and over the rim of it, she stares back at him. "We can't be the only two people in the world who do these things, right?"  
  
She doesn't say anything else after that, and while they are slowly packing her things, Kosuke wonders if the apartment will feel any different once Mao is gone.  
  
  
  
  
  
The moving van arrives.  
  
Mao doesn't tell him goodbye. Her smile is the same sad one from that night they waited for a cab together.  
  
The apartment does not change in size when he gets back. Kosuke tells himself that he should miss her more, or call her and tell her that he'll do better and he'll love her.  
  
But he can't.  
  
In another apartment, a familiar song begins to play and before he even knows it, Kosuke is weeping into his pillow.  
  


_Wouldn't it be nice if we were older_  
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long  
And wouldn't it be nice to live together  
In the kind of world where we belong

  
  
**\- END -**


End file.
